1001 Things that Make Me Happy

1)

I’m making a list of 1001 things that make me happy.
Because somewhere along the road,
I have forgotten how.
To be happy.

Its not your fault.
I would not have you back
To suffer the indignities of the last two years-
The bed, the diapers, someone washing you and feeding you,
Bob lifting you up because your legs forgot how to hold you.
We held you
and I would not change a thing.

I don’t grieve your death
Only your absence.

I want to remember your eyes and hands
And that you were ready for fun and ice cream and new birds calling to you from the cedars
And the sound of your voice singing
and laughing.

And laughing with Daddy laughing.
And laughing when we were all laughing.
And singing and laughing.

This makes me happy.

4 thoughts on “1001 Things that Make Me Happy

  1. I know this. As much as I long to remember the wonderful years before my mothers mind and body failed, these years do not spring easily to mind. I do remember that she became a stranger and I could no longer love her, despite crying often for her – or for me?
    I have become very sad writing this, which oddly enough proves that I still love her…(I think)?
    Anna

    • Anna, I’m sorry that this brought that sadness back to you. And I am sorry that you have gone thru this with your mother.
      With Mom soon being gone a year, (can that be possible?) it has been a struggle lately to release this deep melancholia and to remember that I can be happy again. She did not want me to be so sad and I am trying to remember how.
      Hugs, my dear.
      K

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