Held solemn and slow
that which went before,
moving vernal sun openly,
body and soul,
in the forgiveness of all springs,
We are all immortal with the rebirth of Spring.
*** For Anna’s prompt for D’Verse, a poem of reduction from a Sonnet I wrote several years ago, taking the second line from each stanza and finishing with the final line of the original poem.
Sonnet in Green
Winter’s gray sky belies the inner turning,
Held solemn and slow until that one
True day, where all that is verdant deploys
Into a suddenness of green, extinguishing
that which went before. Moving vernal sun
From iced sadness to tulip petal joys,
Hearts lift with longing eyes singing
Openly, body and soul, to beckon
April blue skies. What once destroy’d,
Winter’s now past forgotten season, rejoicing
In the forgiveness of all springs, a pardon
In the resurrection of now and forever.
In the eternal newness of all green things,
We are all immortal with the rebirth of Spring
A great approach to reduction, making a striking new poem.
I like how you took specific lines from the sonnet to create the reduction, instead of deleting individual words. I like both poems (and the third one in the comment). They all have a bit different feel, but all are beautiful pictures of hope. Peace, Linda
really like this. There is something about spring that does make one feel immortal at times.
so beautiful… thank you for this one 🙂 well worth reading over a few times at least
I think both are stunning…like trimming the fat from a steak, it’s still juicy inside 😉
I prefer the sonnet – just to be contrary to the majority opinion here. It’s lighter, more melodious, fits in better with the eternal hope and regeneration of spring. The reduced version is powerful, but looks back towards winter, I felt.
Hi Marina – I played with the sonnet a bit using the last lines and ending with the first line of the couplet:
where all that is verdant deploys
from iced sadness to tulip petal joys,
April blue skies.
What once destroy’d,
in the resurrection of now
in the eternal newness
of all green things.
Not sure it works better than the first reduction, but it is more Spring-ly. I wanted to share it with you.
Thank you for your comments – I appreciate it each time you visit. K
Oh, that’s beautiful – keeps all the freshness of the hope of spring! I am amazed how you managed to creat three beautiful versions from one poem. Well done!
nicely reduced – really showed the essence of the poem – I thought reading it that I wish with spring, I shone as brightly each ensuing year as in the past. Funny where poetry takes us.
that feel of immortality once spring comes… i totally get this… all the new life and birth and how it makes the air fresh and new… so well woven..
I agree with Glenn, you had a gem within your ore all along. Both work well but the reduction is like a clarion call (a first flower or first birdsong of spring) to joy. Beautifully done!
Lovely sparse verses, like the rebirth of spring, a newly created poem ~ These lines spoke to me:
in the forgiveness of all springs,
As above so below.. the flowers of spring most often bring the warmer days of soul.. so spirit flows like roses and daisies to a place where only bees and butterflies dare to roam..:)
Love your recreation…this winter is being stern – no forgiveness… I’m so ready for spring
Your reply sounds like the first line of a poem…
stern- no forgiveness
Wow,, it was if you had intuitively built in a complete second poem primed for Reduction. It could not have been more successful. I agree with others, there is a hard edge, a dark veneer on the reduced one; whereas the original falls into the lovely gentle singing sonnet; like contrasting a rap song with a ballad.
I like how you did this, Kathleen. It is interesting to see how taking a second line of each stanza to form a new poem works. Actually in this case it worked very well. I really like the last line, the one that appeared in BOTH the original and the ‘reduction.’
in the forgiveness of all springs, a pardon….what a gorgeous line! Your sonnet is stunning but this reduction, apart from being very clever, absolutely sings. I like both versions, but the reduction touches my heart.
For me the reduction has a dark feel, almost opposite the original. Both work in their way.
Wow! I love the sonnet and admire the reduced poem you carved from it. Pretty cool.
Obviously the reduced form does not look as formal as the sonnet but it still works. And to me the closing line works better in that new version.
Oh I really love both poem.. maybe condensing my sonnet would be a fun way to do two prompts at once.
what an interesting way to recreate the poem…and still come out sounding coherent as well…
i look forward to spring…we got ice…sleet…and snow from Thor today…so buried under again for a few days….so my body and soul def beckon for spring…smiles.
Thanks, as always, Brian.
We have had a day of sun (hallelujah!) so almost all of the ice and snow have melted – in the 50s this weekend and then 60s all next week! *happy dance*