Trying to Gain Perspective

It’s those moments when you are driving to work or riding the train or walking the dog
when just in the corner of your eye
you see it
that’s life
well, maybe not your life
that would be presumptuous of me
maybe my life
no, that’s not it

it’s as if you put your hands in your pockets
and there is a packet of magic beans or fairy dust or
an old skeleton key that opens a secret door
no
it’s not like that at all

I used to think that I could create my life
I could get a roll of butcher paper and roll it out and lie down and getting a marker,
draw around myself
and from that pattern, I could sew days and seasons to fit just right
but that’s not life

life is bone and blood and spit and shit

and birdsong

don’t forget birdsong

life is waking in that dark hour right before dawn leaning against your warmth
hearing you breathe
feeling your heartbeat
and knowing I have
one
more
day

*** I dreamed this poem last night and woke to it completely formed. Hardly ever happens that way. But after spending Friday in the ER thinking I was having a heart attack (I’m fine, really – one more stress test next week – but I am fine…. really) And celebrating Bob’s birthday in a really really big way (post and photos to come) this must be what my subconscious was busy doing.

35 thoughts on “Trying to Gain Perspective

  1. This is an interesting use of form. After the first couple of lines, the abrupt change to the shorter lines almost makes it seem like time slows “you see it” is a great line because of this. Good stuff.

  2. I love those poems that come from the subconscious. I’ve woken to find that I tapped poems into my cell phone as I slept so I know your sense of wonder. This is beautiful.

  3. !!!!!!

    First, the poem is gorgeous and REAL and unflnching. Second, don’t forget the birdsong – I love that. Third, ER?! Oh dear, I’m so sorry… I hope all goes well with the stress test and that maybe it was just a one-time event. Will be thinking of you – I know you could use a break.

  4. Glad you’re okay, K! This one nearly took my breath away…That tracing yourself on brown butcher paper…an ingenious touch…Great write…please stay well :)) xo

  5. So nice to have you back, K – I was just thinking about you the other day wondering when I will read your next poem. This one is just beautiful and breathtaking. I too found myself in the ER four Mondays ago unable to walk when I awoke at 5:00 a.m. Eleven days ago I had lower disc compression surgery. I too am doing quite fine now (walking pain free and even riding my bike again) and I’m so very happy knowing you are doing just as well. ps: I will keep you posted on the columbine seeds ;`)

    • Well, my word, John! So happy you were able to have surgery and have had such a swift recovery – unable to walk – how frightening is that! Thanks, my dear friend, for your kindness. I will await news of the columbine – smiles – K

  6. The birdsong…. That sang right out to me, this is life, the good, the bad, the ugly, framed by moments of exquisite beauty.
    Glad you are okay!

  7. Like many others, my favourite part is:

    life is bone and blood and spit and shit

    and birdsong

    don’t forget birdsong

    I love the instruction not to forget the good parts – something some of us (and I am one of them) are rather too prone to doing.

  8. How wonderful that you DREAMED this poem. What a gift!

    ” life is bone and blood and spit and shit
    and birdsong
    don’t forget birdsong ”

    Yes, you surely have THAT right. I like the reminder not to forget the birdsong. THAT’s what makes so much tolerable!

  9. life is bone and blood and spit and shit
    and birdsong…its the good and bad…its magic at times but not always…it happens…sometimes out the corner of our eye…and sometimes it just hits us like a run away car…..i am glad you are ok…that is way scary…

  10. yep…that sounds much like life…love all the images….esp…
    it’s as if you put your hands in your pockets
    and there is a packet of magic beans or fairy dust or
    an old skeleton key that opens a secret door…but also the…bone and blood and spit and shit…ha…

  11. I like this and it is so very true. We all learn that our lives can turn on a dime, be it for good or for bad. We must still be grateful to have that one more day and make it as good as we can for ourselves and others.

  12. This is raw and real poetry, straight from the heart…I certainly can relate. Life sure does throw us in a spin sometimes…glad to hear you’re okay. x

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